Category:Wine humor

Alexa, who is the Wine Curmudgeon?

by Wine Curmudgeon Posted On

Alexa
“Hmmm, I don’t know that one.”

There’s viral, there’s Andy Warhol’s 15 minutes of fame, and then there’s Alexa

Alexa, who is the Wine Curmudgeon?

“This is what I found on Wikipedia: Curmudgeon is an American-brewed old Ale.

No, Alexa. The Wine Curmudgeon. Who is the Wine Curmudgeon?

“Hmmm, I don’t know that one.”

OK, Alexa. Who is Robert Parker?

“According to Wikipedia, Robert Parker is a U.S. wine critic. … He is the mostly widely known wine critic in the world.”

OK, Alexa, so who is the Wine Curmudgeon?

“Hmmm, I don’t know that one.”

Sigh. OK, Alexa. Who is Jancis Robinson?

“Jancis Robinson is a new Liverpool poet.”

Really? That must be news to her. So who is the Wine Curmudgeon?

“Hmmm, I don’t know that one.”

OK, Alexa. So who is Eric Asimov?

“Eric Asimov is a wine and food critic for the New York Times. … He is the sister of Nannette Asimov, a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle.”

No kidding. So who is the Wine Curmudgeon?

“Hmmm, I don’t know that one.”

Alexa, here’s an easy one. Who is Dave McIntyre?

“Dave McIntyre is the author of 10 books, including The Fall series.”

Wow. He never told me that. So, Alexa, one more time: Who is the Wine Curmudgeon?

“Hmmm, I don’t know that one. But if you are ready to celebrate national Star Wars Day, I am the droid for you.”

Churro, the blog’s associate editor, contributed to this post

April Fool’s 2021 wine post

by Wine Curmudgeon Posted On

april fool's
Yes, an April Fool’s joke. What else could it be?

The April Fool’s wine post is a hallowed blog tradition

I want to dedicate this year’s re-posting of the blog’s April Fool’s posts to my long-time pal, wine raconteur, and really sharp guy, Billy Tisherman. Tish, as he is known, was the impetus for the first post in 2013, part of a cross-posting of April 1 spoofs and satires from wine writers across the country.

So enjoy, Tish. This one’s for you.

Here are the six April Fool’s wine posts, which remain sadly relevant despite their age.

The blog’s April Fool’s wine posts:
• Wine Curmudgeon will sell blog to Wine Spectator
• Big Wine to become one company
• Wine Spectator: If you can’t buy it, we won’t review it
• Supreme Court: Regulate wine writing through three-tier system
• Gov. Perry to California: Bring your wineries to Texas
• California secedes from U.S. — becomes its own wine country

Taking wine pairings in a more appropriate direction

by Wine Curmudgeon Posted On

Wine pairings: What goes with crying alone to Netflix?

 

The wine world spends entirely too much time on wine pairings, and even the Wine Curmudgeon is sometimes guilty of this. Hence, I was pleased to see this much more realistic – because it’s not about food – take on wine pairings, courtesy of the CBC’s Baroness Von Sketch show.

The bit is a trifle long, but it makes its point with a smile and a giggle – and in the finest tradition of Canadian sketch comedy, dating to SCTV (where the great Eugene Levy made his bones).

Because who ever considered pairing wine with crying alone to Netflix? Or something for a long, meandering fight with a boyfriend? Or box wines for making a reckless on-line purchase?

Video courtesy of CBC Comedy via YouTube

 

Do-it-yourself New Year’s wine resolutions 2021

by Wine Curmudgeon Posted On

wine resolutions 2021The Wine Curmudgeon’s eighth annual, Do-it-yourself New Year’s wine resolutions 2021. Because, Dry January — and who knew it would ever be a thing?

Just click on the drop-down menus and select your wine resolutions 2021 for the new year. Those who get the blog via email or RSS may need to click this link to go the blog to use the menus. (As always, thanks to Al Yellon, since I stole the idea from him.)

In 2021, my wine buying will:

In 2021, I’ll try different kinds of wines:

In 2021, I’ll pay more attention to wine and health:

In 2021, I will buy more wine on-line:

In 2021, I think wine will:

More New Year’s wine resolutions:
• Do-it-yourself New Year’s wine resolutions 2020
• Do-it-yourself New Year’s wine resolutions 2019
• Do-it-yourself New Year’s wine resolutions 2018

Photo: “New Years Resolutions (1/52)” by lucidtech is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Seven wine things to do in December that have nothing to do with the holidays – but will be a lot of fun anyway

by Wine Curmudgeon Posted On

blanket fort
“Can Churro, the blog’s associate editor, use the blanket fort, too?”

Who needs the holidays to have fun drinking wine when you can sip bubbly in a blanket fort?

1. Make a blanket fort in your living room, chill a bottle of sparkling wine, and spend the evening with your significant other. What better way to end 2020?

2. Drink a bottle of regional wine. This especially applies to those of you who have never tasted regional wine, but know it’s terrible because it’s regional wine and therefore you don’t need to taste it.

3. Try a bottle of something you’ve never tasted before. After all, the world does not revolve around chardonnay, merlot, and cabernet sauvignon.

4. Shop somewhere you’ve never shopped before. After all, the world does not revolve around Costco and Trader Joe’s.

5. Buy a bottle of wine with an ugly label. That will show those wine marketers a thing or two, yes?

6. Put an ice cube in a glass of wine. Just because.

7. Let your local wine shop put together a case for you, sight unseen (but within your price range). Which, frankly, may be the most fun thing on this list.

Photo courtesy of Aimsel Ponti, using a Creative Commons license

Wine humor: One more reason why young people don’t buy wine

by Wine Curmudgeon Posted On

Comic Cam Bertrand’s incisive insights into why Millennials aren’t all that interested in wine

The wine business has been puzzled, mystified, and perplexed about reaching younger consumers for years. Comic Cam Bertrand, no Baby Boomer, has some words of wisdom – stop being so snotty about wine.

And Bertrand is damn funny about it, too. His merlot sipping and sniffing pantomime is spot on – and why can’t merlot pair with a Doritos Locos Taco?

Video courtesy of Dry Bar Comedy via YouTube

Halloween wine tales 2020

by Wine Curmudgeon Posted On

Halloween
“What’s better than a glass of wine and a WC Halloween parody post?

A blog tradition — the five Halloween wine tales from the middle of the decade.

Who else but the Wine Curmudgeon could combine Halloween and terrific parody, taking on the various foolishness inherent in the wine business? And there’s even a post about witches, for good measure.

• A Halloween wine tale 2017: Dr. Who
• A Halloween wine tale 2016: Kolchak: The Wine Stalker
• A Halloween wine tale 2015: I am Legend
• A Halloween wine tale 2014: Frankenstein
• A Halloween wine tale 2013: Dracula

Photo: “Witch” by freestocks.org is marked with CC0 1.0