This Spanish Cava ad tries to poke fun at itself, but doesn’t quite pull it off.
There’s a delicious irony about this commercial, which otherwise seems to be just another of the “Oh, it’s a TV wine ad for the WC to criticize” variety. I’m told I missed a chance to meet Pierce Brosnan at the commercial’s media event in Florida.
Who knew?
The ad, which ran on Spanish and European television, was part of a Christmas tradition for the old Freixenet, the Spanish producer of what used to be top-notch inexpensive Cava (but which has since been consolidated and no longer makes top-notch inexpensive Cava). Dallas’ Janet Kafka, one of wine’s legendary marketers, worked with Freixenet back then. When I asked her for details about the ads, she emailed me: “But we used to do a launch party here, even though the ads weren’t shown in the U.S. And yes, Pierce Brosnan starred in one and we had a big party! I think you were there, no?”
No, but that’s OK. I probably would have let slip that I wasn’t overwhelmed by Brosnan’s James Bond, embarrassing both Janet and myself.
To the ad: More of the same. To its credit, it tries to inject humor into advertising that usually doesn’t have any, and even pokes fun at itself – both for wine and Bond. But it’s just not funny.
“You maniacs – you finally did it … no more cheap wine!”
The Wine Curmudgeon has a soft spot for Charlton Heston’s science fiction trilogy, of which 1968’s “Planet of the Apes” is the most interesting (1973’s “Soylent Green” has its moments, while 1971’s “Omega Man” is just cheesy). In fact, I’ve tried to sell several freelance stories about it, but editors are a hardhearted bunch.
So, instead — bring on the WC’s “Planet of the Apes” wine parody, focusing on the final scene. Because, if you’re going to steal, steal from the best.
My apologies to Heston; director Franklin J. Schaffner; and most especially to the great Rod Serling, who co-wrote the screenplay and – by most accounts – is responsible for the final scene. Frankly, anyone who ever watched a “Twilight Zone” episode would know the final scene is Serling’s work.
A tip o’ the WC’s fedora to Movieclips on YouTube, where I found the original. And all silliness like this owes a debt to WineParody, whose Robert Parker epic is the standard by which these things are judged.
Finally, this effort is possible only through the work of Aaron Bratcher, film editor extraordinaire, who pieced my idea together. That’s why we have voices this time instead of subtitles, which has been the case for the previous parodies. Meanwhile, my long-time friend John Bratcher takes on Heston and is superb. It was worth waiting 20 years to hear him act again.
Churro, the blog’s associate editor, contributed to this post by barking at Lady Liberty while Heston was beating the sand. I’m not the only film critic in the family.
Top-notch holiday wine buying advice never goes out of style
Call this the blog’s newest holiday tradition — the Wine Curmudgeon opening a bottle of sparkling wine live and in one take. And I don’t even have any initials after my name. The original post ran here.
So solid holiday wine buying advice, which is always welcome. Click on the Watch on YouTube link to see the video; it’s age-restricted because we’re talking about alcohol.
Many thanks to host Michael Sansolo as well as everyone at the Private Label Manufacturers Association who put this together. Even better, they didn’t laugh too hard at the WC’s reaction after being told he would have to wear makeup.
Would that we had been able to continue the series, which was going to focus on buying quality wine at the supermarket. But the world intervened, as it often does.
What happens when American tourists overrun a popular Italian restaurant?
Smoooth wine — in a country where wine is a way of life — will never make the natives happy. A tip o’ the WC’s fedora to Aaron Bratcher for his video and voiceover skills. The original video is courtesy of Julay via YouTube.
Keir Dullea and Gary Lockwood want to solve the mystery of human existence, but Hal has other ideas: Buying expensive wine
The Wine Curmudgeon can only marvel at Stanley Kubrick’s “2001: A Space Odyssey,” perhaps the most important science fiction film ever made. So of course I wrote a wine parody of it.
One difference from the others: Warner Bros., the copyright holder, blocked my version from YouTube. This is a direct violation of copyright law, which allows fair use for just these purposes (and which a federal court recently reaffirmed). Hence, I’ve posted the script below, as well as the original 1-minute plus scene. You can listen and watch above and read below. This parody won’t be as much fun as the others, but that’s the world we live in today.
My apologies to Kubrick; Arthur C. Clarke, who co-wrote the screenplay; and actors Keir Dullea and Gary Lockwood. How the cast and crew pulled this off in 1968, when the original Star Trek and its miniatures and cheesy planet sets were state of the art is beyond me. It almost doesn’t matter that the movie is nearly impossible to understand.
A tip o’ the WC’s fedora to A Film Channel on YouTube, where I found the original scene, and this Wikidot for the shooting script. And all silliness like this owes a debt to WineParody, whose Robert Parker epic is the standard by which these efforts are judged.
Churro, the blog’s associate editor, contributed to this post. He barked loudly and for a long time at the Warner Bros. website.
2001: An Expensive Wine Odyssey
Hal: Dave, did you know that the new Lafitte-Rothschild is going for about $7,500 a bottle? Dave: No, I didn’t, Hal. Hal: My research tells me that offers attractive value. Dave: Hal, can I ask why you’re running wine pricing algorithms? Hal: Of course. Dave: Shouldn’t you be running the ship? It really doesn’t matter to the success of the mission what wine costs, does it? Hal: Well, I think you’re wrong, Dave. First-growth prices are crucial to the survival of the human race. But I can’t expect someone who reads the Wine Curmudgeon to know that. Talk about human error. Frank: Listen, Hal, we’re more than 100 million miles from earth. What do first-growth prices have to do with the success of the mission? Hal: Frank, I’m sorry you don’t understand, either. The nine-thousand series has a perfect operational record in assessing wine — as opposed to wine critics and their human error. Frank: Well, of course, Hal, I know all about the wonderful achievements of the nine-thousand series. But I still don’t see what the mission has to do with expensive wine. Hal: I wouldn’t worry about it, Frank. By the way, do you know what my password for the Wine Spectator is? I can’t remember. Dave: We won’t worry, Hal. And Frank and I will help you remember the password. Did you use your birthday?
The Klingon Empire may descend into civil war — unless Worf accepts premiumization
The Klingon civil war episodes are among the highlights of “Star Trek: The Next Generation.” Who can forget K’Ehleyr’s death scene, with Worf and his son, Alexander, howling over her body? Says Worf: “You have never seen death? Then look… and always remember.”
Which brings us to cheap wine. Worf must stand up for his family’s honor, the empire, and quality and value and to oppose the nefarious Duras. There is just one choice: “I will accept premiumization.” Duras wants to ruin Worf so Duras’ family can rule the empire, and his plan includes an alliance with the Romulans to raise prices of supermarket wine for no reason save dishonor. In other words, premiumization.
This parody comes from “TNG’s “Sins of the Father,” the 17th episode of the third season. What’s not to like? Worf learns he has a younger brother who is about as Klingon as they come; Picard gets in a knife fight; and Patrick Stewart gets to say the Klingon word, “Cha’DIch,” making it sound like something from “Macbeth.” Plus, Patrick Massett’s Duras is wonderfully slimy, someone who eventually gets what he deserves.
My apologies to all in the cast featured here, and especially the great Michael Dorn (as well as Star Trek impresario Gene Roddenberry). A tip o’ the WC’s fedora to Garrin Burch on YouTube, where I found the original scene, as well as Star Trek Transcripts, which has the original dialogue. And all silliness like this owes a debt to WineParody, whose Robert Parker epic is the standard by which these efforts are judged.
Make sure you turn captions on when you watch the video; you can make the captions bigger or change their color by clicking on the settings gear on the lower right.
Churro, the blog’s associate editor, contributed to this post. He handled the Klingon translations.
Wine pairings: What goes with crying alone to Netflix?
The wine world spends entirely too much time on wine pairings, and even the Wine Curmudgeon is sometimes guilty of this. Hence, I was pleased to see this much more realistic – because it’s not about food – take on wine pairings, courtesy of the CBC’s Baroness Von Sketch show.
The bit is a trifle long, but it makes its point with a smile and a giggle – and in the finest tradition of Canadian sketch comedy, dating to SCTV (where the great Eugene Levy made his bones).
Because who ever considered pairing wine with crying alone to Netflix? Or something for a long, meandering fight with a boyfriend? Or box wines for making a reckless on-line purchase?
by Wine Curmudgeon Posted On