Keir Dullea and Gary Lockwood want to solve the mystery of human existence, but Hal has other ideas: Buying expensive wine
The Wine Curmudgeon can only marvel at Stanley Kubrick’s “2001: A Space Odyssey,” perhaps the most important science fiction film ever made. So of course I wrote a wine parody of it.
One difference from the others: Warner Bros., the copyright holder, blocked my version from YouTube. This is a direct violation of copyright law, which allows fair use for just these purposes (and which a federal court recently reaffirmed). Hence, I’ve posted the script below, as well as the original 1-minute plus scene. You can listen and watch above and read below. This parody won’t be as much fun as the others, but that’s the world we live in today.
My apologies to Kubrick; Arthur C. Clarke, who co-wrote the screenplay; and actors Keir Dullea and Gary Lockwood. How the cast and crew pulled this off in 1968, when the original Star Trek and its miniatures and cheesy planet sets were state of the art is beyond me. It almost doesn’t matter that the movie is nearly impossible to understand.
A tip o’ the WC’s fedora to A Film Channel on YouTube, where I found the original scene, and this Wikidot for the shooting script. And all silliness like this owes a debt to WineParody, whose Robert Parker epic is the standard by which these efforts are judged.
Churro, the blog’s associate editor, contributed to this post. He barked loudly and for a long time at the Warner Bros. website.
2001: An Expensive Wine Odyssey
Hal: Dave, did you know that the new Lafitte-Rothschild is going for about $7,500 a bottle?
Dave: No, I didn’t, Hal.
Hal: My research tells me that offers attractive value.
Dave: Hal, can I ask why you’re running wine pricing algorithms?
Hal: Of course.
Dave: Shouldn’t you be running the ship? It really doesn’t matter to the success of the mission what wine costs, does it?
Hal: Well, I think you’re wrong, Dave. First-growth prices are crucial to the survival of the human race. But I can’t expect someone who reads the Wine Curmudgeon to know that. Talk about human error.
Frank: Listen, Hal, we’re more than 100 million miles from earth. What do first-growth prices have to do with the success of the mission?
Hal: Frank, I’m sorry you don’t understand, either. The nine-thousand series has a perfect operational record in assessing wine — as opposed to wine critics and their human error.
Frank: Well, of course, Hal, I know all about the wonderful achievements of the nine-thousand series. But I still don’t see what the mission has to do with expensive wine.
Hal: I wouldn’t worry about it, Frank. By the way, do you know what my password for the Wine Spectator is? I can’t remember.
Dave: We won’t worry, Hal. And Frank and I will help you remember the password. Did you use your birthday?
More wine parodies:
• Star Trek: The Next Generation
• Enter the Dragon
• Star Trek