The wine list that doesn’t include the names of the wines

Stupid? Of course. But maybe not for the reasons most people think

How about a restaurant wine list, with descriptions of the wines, but without naming the wines? This is a bit much, even for the restaurant business, which treats wine with a greed that keeps on gouging.

But it happened recently in Britain — how about a “juicy Chilean merlot?” for £6.50 (about US$7) for 175 ml, two glasses or so?

Which, reported by thedrinksbusiness, led to a social media conflagration. The restaurant was either doing diners a great favor by not confusing them, or it was committing a great disservice by not identifying the wines. Tweeted one: “What happens when the unsuspecting consumer is met with an over-extracted Negroamaro. …. Words need to mean something and these appear to mean nothing.”

Ah, the wine business. Either wine drinkers are too stupid to care what they’re drinking, or we get strangled by jargon.

Yes, this is a crappy idea; we should know what we’re buying. But the experts missed the point. The restaurant almost certainly didn’t do this to make diners’ choices easier, but to manage its inventory more effectively. If it doesn’t put the name of the wine on the list, then it can sell any wine that more or less matches the description (to say nothing of saving the cost of reprinting the list if the wines change).

And what’s happening these days in post-pandemic and Brexit-staggered Britain? A supply chain crisis of major proportions, in which getting the same item consistently has been past difficult – and especially for restaurants. So not using names makes managing the wine list that much easier; just sub out the original if it’s not available, and who’s the wiser? In addition, if the restaurant can pick up a cheaper “juicy Chilean merlot,” it can sell it for the higher price – and more margin!

Finally, the WC would not be the WC if he didn’t mention one other thing that not using names does: Diners can’t check the wine’s retail price on their phone to see how much they’re being marked up.

Pretty clever, yes?