The WC’s very modest plan to use $1 billion to fix some of what’s broken in wine
The Wine Curmudgeon does not buy lottery tickets, even when the jackpot is $1 billion. I’d rather take my chance on a $10 bottle of wine; the odds that I will enjoy the wine are much, much better than the odds I’ll win any lottery prize.
Having said that, this week’s Powerball jackpot was in the billions. Which made me wonder: What would I do if I won the lottery and had enough money to force the wine business to change some of the ways it did things? Since, of course, not even a billion dollars can end premimuization or get us ingredient and nutrition labels.
So, perhaps:
• Require all sweet red wines to say sweet red wine on the label, no matter how much they cost.
• Require that every bottle of wine list the wholesaler markup; that is, a price tag with the retail price — $12 – and that it includes $3 for the wholesaler. That will get rid of three-tier, won’t it?
• Require that the Winestream Media take local wine seriously. Or I won’t let them use scores anymore.
• Screwcaps, baby!
• No more castles or chateaux on wine labels. The exception would be wineries that actually are in castles and chateaux. Since hardly any are.
• No more YouTube tasting videos with guys sitting around sniffing and swirling and talking like they came out of the wine movie that is not mentioned on the blog.
• No more high alcohol wines made not because growing conditions require high alcohol, but because the winemaker knows that’s the surest way to get 92 points. I mean it. Or else no more scores.