Come on, Lifehacker — enough with the Internet wine “clubs” already

There’s a difference between quality cheap wine and wine cheaply made

Lifehacker offers some of the best lifestyle-related advice on the Internet (as well as the priceless “Out of Touch Adults’ Guide to Kid Culture” for those of us of a certain age). But it doesn’t always do wine well.

I’ve tried to fix that. Several years ago, its inestimable senior food editor, Claire Lower, asked me to offer some WC-style advice for Thanksgiving. “I really need someone who can make this easy to understand,” she emailed me.

But, then, sadly, the dreaded “Sorry. They’ve cut the freelance budget” email.

So I’ve tried, since then, to offer my unique perspective in the comments, lurking in the background when I see a particularity egregious wine post. There have been several of those recently, with pieces advocating buying wine from the kind of Internet wine “clubs” we’ve warned people about over the years.

Now, a couple of caveats. First, Lifehacker was recently sold, and its new owners seem hyped on cyber-commerce and selling discounted items through the website. So these posts may have nothing to do with quality wine; they’re just there because they’re cheap. Second, some of these wine “clubs” like to sue people. So my point here is about these clubs in general and not specifically directed at any of the sites that are recommended.

Hence. the WC’s guide for telling whether you’ll get quality wine from a site offering to sell you something that works out to less than $5 or $6 a bottle — and includes shipping. Because there’s a difference between cheap wine and wine that’s cheaply made.

• Have you heard of the wineries before? Typically, these kinds of wines are made to sell for these clubs, and the wineries may exist in name only. That’s a sign of wine cheaply made.

• Are the wines listed on wine-searcher? They probably aren’t, since they’re made just for the clubs.

• Are the vintages listed? And how old are the wines if they are listed? Wines sold through these clubs are often bulk wine that never sold, leftovers from other producers that may have been re-labled, or who knows what else. In this case, a 10-year-old bottle is a sign of wine cheaply made.

• Are there other purchasing requirements – the dreaded mail-order record club scam? Back then, you got tapes (or vinyl, even) for pennies, the catch being something called negative option billing. This made you liable even if you didn’t order the music after the first shipment, when the music and shipping cost more.

So, Lifehacker, I hope this helps. And if the freelance budget gets beefed up, I know some terrific $10 wine for Thanksgiving this year.

Photo: “Aerial view of a woman using computer laptop on wooden table” by Rawpixel Ltd is licensed under CC BY 2.0.