Tag Archives: wine writing

16 years on the blog, part II

reporter at desk
Who knew this guy wold morph into the WC?

These nine posts weren’t necessarily the most popular in the blog’s history, but they were among the best and most important

This is the second of two parts looking at some of the best posts that appeared during the blog’s 16-year history. Today, the best of the best. Part I: The posts no one appreciated, even though they should have.

Picking the best posts I wrote over the blog’s past 16 years and 4,700 entries was much more difficult than I thought it would be. Chalk that up to lots of quality content, right?

Or just a bad memory.

Nevertheless, these nine posts were among the best — as well as some of the most important, offering a perspective rarely found elsewhere and about as far from toasty and oaky as wine writing gets.

In no particular order:

Wine writing accreditation. Yes, only people with “credentials” should be allowed to write about wine. You can imagine how I felt about that proposal. This 2011 post was one of the most popular in blog history; in those days, I could have written about wine writing every week and made myself a star.

The red wine bias study, in which Neal Chaudhary and I showed — using math, even — that the Winestream Media and its 100-point scoring system favored red wine over white, regardless of quality.

Convenience store wine. Yes, people buy wine at convenience stores. Shocking, isn’t it?

Cooking shows and wine’s fall from grace. The Baby Boomers’ cooking shows — Julia Child, et al — featured wine with their recipes. Today’s video chefs — Alison Roman, Frankie Celenza, and so forth — rarely do. As I wrote: “Hence, the youngest generations have never learned that wine is just as much a part of dinner as plates and letting the pots soak.”

Arty, the first AI wine writer. Quite brilliant, actually, foreshadowing the uproar over artificial intelligence five years before it happened — and quite funny, too.

Welcome back, restaurants. This post spurred one of the most important members of the Winestream Media to write a not-so-nice rebuttal, taking me to task for suggesting that restaurants lower prices, offer BYOB, and write more interesting lists to lure diners back after the pandemic. How dare I?

Cheap wine vs. wine made cheaply made. This concept plagued the blog for years, since most people assumed they were the same thing. I never really understood it until New Orleans’ Tim McNally explained it to me in 2014. So I wrote that cheap wine should be more than “Two Jack in the Box tacos for 99 cents. … [which] are both cheap and a value, but why would you eat them unless it’s 2 a.m. and you’ve been drinking all night?” Because the best cheap wine is more than fast food, as I like to think we’ve shown over the years.

Ingredient labels. We’ve almost won this one — the first labels should appear in the next 18 months or so. The first mention of ingredient labels on the blog came in 2008, about six months into its existence.

Iran and the neo-Prohibitionists. Want to know what Prohibition is like? Look to Iran, where alcoholism is rampant and there are AA chapters — even though booze is illegal and you can be flogged if you drink it. Ask the next Neo you meet if that’s what they have in mind.

wine critics

The eighth annual do-it-yourself wine review

old white guys
You can live in your basement if you want — we’re drinking $500 wine.

The blog’s eighth annual do-it-yourself wine review — because, premiumization. Do we need any other reason?

The Wine Curmudgeon has been tasting roses costing $20 and up this year — not necessarily because I want to, but because more marketers than ever want to send me $20 rose samples. Which leads to the first question: Don’t they know who I am?

Which leads to the second question: Is it any wonder I worry about the future of the wine business?

So, for the eighth annual do-it-yourself wine review, four reviews for wine that costs much more than it’s worth, the kind of wine that only a winery CFO and its marketing team could love. (As always, thanks to Al Yellon, since I stole the idea from him all those years ago.)

Again this year, you’ll need to go to the old website to enjoy the post, since Substack doesn’t allow the necessary coding. So follow this link, and then click the drop-down menu and choose your favorite line.

This Napa Valley cabernet sauvignon:

This Italian Super Tuscan:

This French red Bordeaux:

This celebrity rose:

Photo: Kampus Production from Pexels

More do-it-yourself wine reviews:
The seventh do-it-yourself wine review
The sixth do-it-yourself wine review
The fifth do-it-yourself wine review

“You don’t love our wine? That’s not possible. … we had a meeting about it”

woman writing on notebook
“How can I work the the marketer’s notes about affordable and smooth into this review for a $25 too tannic red wine?”

In the world of post-modern wine marketing, we’re all partners and we’re all part of the team – even if we’re not supposed to be

Some wine marketers, after sending a wine sample, will follow up with an email asking if I liked it. Or, as one email recently asked, “Would love to know your thoughts about the wine. …”

Yeah, right.

In fact, they didn’t actually want to know what I thought about the wine. They already knew, because it was decided in a meeting at the start of the marketing campaign. In the world of post-modern wine marketing, there’s no such thing as objectivity. Everyone, whether marketer, influencer, or cranky ex-newspaperman who reviews wine, is part of the team partnering with the client.

Yeah, right.

That this is a contradiction in terms doesn’t seem to bother anyone; in fact, it doesn’t even seem to occur to anyone. Which is bad enough. But why would the marketers assume that I’ll play along? Aren’t wine writers supposed to be objective? Oh, wait a minute. We’re not, are we?

In this case, I did share my thoughts about the wine – politely, but also honestly, explaining that it wasn’t anywhere near what the producer claimed it was. No doubt I’ll get a note thanking me for my objectivity.

Yeah, right.

Having said that, many of the PR people I deal with are top-notch. They know what I’m looking for, and will be honest with me about the wine they’re flogging. Some even know not to offer me something, because it’s too expensive or too focused group or too whatever. Needless to say, I cherish those marketers, which is the reason no names are being mentioned. The last thing I want to do is get them in trouble with the client for being really good at their job.

And I turn down a lot of samples, too, probably more than anyone in the wine writing business. What am I going to do with a $30 Italian sauvignon blanc, other than to sigh and write something about the sad future of the wine business?

I wonder: Did that possibility come up in the meeting? I doubt it.

Photo: Photo by J. Kelly Brito on Unsplash

April Fool’s 2022 wine post

paid posts
“Bump up the score a couple of points. No one who isn’t in the business will know we did it.”

This time, reality is more bizarre than anything the WC could make up for April Fool’s

I was thinking about reviving the blog’s April Fool’s tradition this year, but before I could write a post, I saw this:

“I don’t want to point fingers at anyone else’s business in particular, but people don’t know what’s happening behind the scenes of so many wine criticism publications, unless you’re in the business, and then you are like, ‘oh my God.’ ”

That is from Lisa Perroti-Brown MW, the former editor of the Wine Advocate. She has started a new wine magazine called The Wine Independent because, “Oh, my God,” none of the others are.

The wine world may be collapsing around us – to say nothing of what’s happening in the larger world – and we’re going to get yet another wine magazine aimed at old white guys because none of the rest are objective.

Talk about April Fool’s.

The Winestream Media mostly reported the news of this with a straight face, and I’ve resisted the impulse to say anything about people in glass houses. Or to note that, yes, wine drinkers do know what she’s talking about. As one of the blog’s readers has pointed out, “No one is paying [the WC] for favorable press.”

Rather, what’s so bizarre about the move is that someone (or several someones) is investing millions of dollars in a wine magazine at a time when interest in wine may be at a 40-year low.

This speaks to wine’s inability to notice what’s going on around it, something I’ve had to write about so many times that it’s depressing that I have to do it again. Or, as I’ve joked — also too many times: The wine business will keep selling expensive wine to the Baby Boomers until the last one is dead, and only then will someone ask, “Hey … what happened to all the wine drinkers?”

So here are the six April Fool’s wine posts; as clever as they are, I’m not sure any is as clever as the launch of The Wine Independent:
Wine Curmudgeon will sell blog to Wine Spectator
Big Wine to become one company
Wine Spectator: If you can’t buy it, we won’t review it
Supreme Court: Regulate wine writing through three-tier system
Gov. Perry to California: Bring your wineries to Texas
California secedes from U.S. — becomes its own wine country

 

Wine foolishness, 2022 edition

wine stupidty
“Of course, lovage. What else could it be?”

In which the WC gathers up a lot of foolishness and tries to get a laugh out of it

A good newspaper reporter learns to “gather string;” that is, you collect bits and pieces from here and there, whether from news releases, information from interviews that didn’t fit one particular story, or clippings picked up because they seemed interesting and that you might be able to use later.

It’s a tremendous technique that has helped me do lots of good writing over the years. Unfortunately, almost the exact opposite is true when it comes to writing about wine.

That’s because wine – to put it bluntly – is filled with so much foolishness. Gathering string in wine doesn’t necessarily lead to good writing or good stories. Instead, it leads to long lists of silliness, like this one.

So try to find some humor in the following, which I gathered over the past several months (and no, there won’t be any links, since I don’t want to be sued):

• The $5,000 cycling tour of Italy’s Prosecco region. Led by a sommelier, of course, because otherwise it certainly wouldn’t be worth $5,000. One of the goals of the tour, and I swear I’m not making this up: To learn why “it is worth spending more for a quality sparkling wine.” In other words, I’m spending five grand to learn that $30 Prosecco is likely better than $12 Prosecco.

• The following review from one of the Wine Magazines: “Glimpses of golden ripe mirabelle plum and the slightest hint of lovage create a lovely nose and continue to feature on the creamy, finely foaming palate.” Lovage? Lovage? Lovage?

• Yet another study claiming the pandemic has turned us into hopeless alcoholics: “Understanding how alcohol purchase behavior is changed by events such as COVID is important because heavy alcohol use is known to be associated with numerous social problems, especially within the home,” The catch here? The disclaimer at the end of the release noting that the study has some limitations, including that data from “many states were not included.” Which, of course, raises the question of why they authors bothered, other than to take grant money to perpetuate a neo-Prohibitionist myth.

• And what would one of these lists be like without healthy wine? These wines, says the marketing drivel, “are both great tasting and health conscious. … supporting their desire for a healthy lifestyle.” And why health conscious? Because they have only 100 calories a serving. Or, about the same as light beer — and when did wine become a diet food? Is is any wonder I worry about the future of the wine business?

• Finally, a list of the most overrated wine styles, as compiled by a sommelier survey. It included rose, cabernet sauvignon, chardonnay, red blends, sauvignon blanc, and pinot grigio. So I’m wondering: What are we supposed to drink?

Winebits 734: Cheap wine, movie wine, wine marketing

This week’s wine news: Cheap wine — surprise, surprise — is top seller, plus New Yorkers can buy wine at the movies and a legendary marketer’s advice about consumers

Got $10? One more bit from last week’s Silicon Valley Bank bombshell, since it confirms I’ve been on the right path for almost 15 years and the wine business has been, well, the wine business. The chart at the top of the post showcases wine’s best-selling price points since 2013, and it isn’t anything costing more than $12. Which you’d be hard-pressed to know talking to most people in the wine business (or reading the nasty comments on the old blog). In other words, it’s the wine I have been writing about since my days at Advocate magazine in Dallas and the Star-Telegram newspaper in Fort Worth: The $10 to $12 stuff that — shock of shocks — most of us buy. A little Tariquet, anyone?

Bring on the wine: Movie-goers in New York City will be able to buy wine, thanks to a recent ruling by the state’s liquor cops. The New York Post reports that theaters can sell wine and beer at concession stands and patrons will be able to bring their drinks into the theater. Previously, the theater had to have either restrictive restaurant or tavern licenses to sell beer or wine, so many didn’t bother. Now the big question: what wine pairs with Spider-Man?

Good advice: Laurel Cutler was an advertising legend — so much so that she was named both man and woman of the year by an industry trade group. Cutler, who died recently, made her name by understanding consumers and rarely underestimating them: “We are dealing with the smartest consumer we’ve ever dealt with. She’ll pay the difference if she can see it, taste it, smell it, feel it or show it off somehow. But if she can’t, she won’t.” Which, of course, is something the wine business needs to figure out.

Chart via Wine Industry Insight

The Wine Curmudgeon’s favorite posts of 2021

Hemingway
“The wine was cool. I drank it. It was good.”

These eight posts weren’t necessarily the most popular, but they were among my favorite posts of 2021

Welcome to the Wine Curmudgeon’s seventh annual year-end top 10 list, which is not about the most read posts. Or necessarily has 10 items. Would you expect either here?

Instead, these are the posts that I enjoyed writing, thought were important to write, or both. Why not a best read list? That’s because, on the old blog, Google determined that, and the various Barefoot posts were always the most read. Which, frankly, was kind of depressing.

Here, then, in no particular order, are my favorite posts of 2021:

“Saturday Night Live” takes on wine marketing, with an almost scary parody of selling high-end Champagne. Why scary? Because, as our exhaustive critique of wine marketing has shown, the real thing is often a parody of itself, which the SNL sketch understands perfectly.

The Bad Spaniels dog toy post, an incisive look at wine criticism, including a video of Churro, the blog’s associate editor, playing with the dog toy. I know some of you might not care about my take (yet again) on the failings of wine criticism, but how could you pass up a cute dog playing with a toy?

Yes, we were drinking less during the pandemic. All the numbers were there, from a third-party study of alcohol consumption during the pandemic. And we weren’t all falling down drunk. And no one paid the least attention save for a handful of blog readers. I realize I’m just one small voice in the babble that is the Internet, but it would have been nice if someone at a Mainstream news media outlet had seen this and had written about it — even if only to make fun of me.

The young people. wine, and cooking shows posts. The Baby Boomers learned about wine through cooking shows, but the Gen X and Millennial cooking shows don’t feature wine. Hence, one more reason why younger consumers aren’t interested in wine. How do I know this mattered? Because several really smart people who know wine and the media told me so after reading them.

• The Worf and premiumization wine parody. The video parodies have rarely done well over the blog’s history; I’ve never been able to figure out why. I write them, despite the effort required, because I enjoy doing it. And this one is funny — Star Trek’s Worf talking about wine prices and his honor.

The Ernest Hemingway wine post. Those of us who learned to write in the 1970s grew up on Hemingway, so this year’s PBS documentary about his life was an opportunity to look at Hemingway and wine (as well as his alcoholism). There is even a not so veiled criticism of wine writing in The Sun Also Rises.”

More of the WC’s favorite posts:
Favorite posts of 2020
Favorite posts of 2019
Favorite posts of 2018