Not that those of us who do these things are paranoid, but. …
1. The truck carrying the books will crash on I-57 in Illinois, and 12 boxes will be scattered across various Midwestern cornfields.
2. All of the friends you asked to review the book will rip it.
3. No one will show up at any of your book signings, and you’ll sit there. And sit there. And sit there.
4. The only good review will come from someone who doesn’t like you, and you’ll be convinced that it’s a joke because they misspelled your name.
5. You’ll wake up in the middle of the night, sweating, after dreaming about the “I Love Lucy” episode where she and Ethel don’t make a million dollars with their homemade salad dressing scheme.
6. Someone will rate the book 1/2 star on Amazon, calling it the dumbest thing he has ever read.
7. No one will will write a comment calling the 1/2-star review the dumbest thing she has ever read.
8. You’ll forget to send a copy of the book to the Library of Congress and the copyright office, and someone will claim you stole their idea.
9. The government shutdown was not a clash of politics and ideologies, but part of a plot to prevent you from selling books.
10. The book won’t make any money, and you’ll have to get a real job.