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10 things a wine writer doesn’t do when he can’t write about wine

Perspective is all. Wine writing doesn’t seem as important when there is an ice storm and the wine writer is without electricity for four days. So what doesn’t he do?

1. Doesn’t worry about what wine to drink with dinner, since it’s so cold everything tastes the same anyway.

2. Doesn’t take into account wine and food pairings, since he can’t see what he’s eating anyway. And it comes out of a can. And is cold.

3. Doesn’t think about chilling wine, since it’s already chilled. From being in the house. And leaving a bottle outside to chill it more quickly results in chunky, almost frozen wine.

4. Doesn’t panic when wine refrigerator shuts off, since the expensive wine in the refrigerator is actually colder than it is when the refrigerator is on.

5. Doesn’t check Amazon to see where cheap wine book ranks among category best sellers, since he can’t get an Internet connection. And if he could, he would be checking power company site to see if there is an update on when electricity will be restored.

6. Doesn’t have any idea what the latest controversy is in the wine world (which, actually, is perhaps the only good thing about all of this).

7. Doesn’t panic, after a day or so, about red wine in red glasses and white wine in white glasses. Because it’s too dark to see anyway, and he can’t clean the glasses after using them, since there isn’t any hot water.

8. Doesn’t get worked up about scores, though he is obsessed with power company website and number of homes in his ZIP code still without electricity, and why that number is higher than almost anywhere else in the city.

9. Doesn’t get scared that website traffic will collapse if he doesn’t post on social media, and finally admits to himself that he doesn’t understand the purpose of Google+ at all.

10. Doesn’t care if pizza delivery guy (who is surprised to hear power is off) sees him wearing two pairs of sweatpants, two pairs of socks, three shirts and a sweater, a scarf, and knit watch cap. Let Robert Parker worry about fashion.

Cartoon courtesy of Benson Marketing Group

5 Responses to 10 things a wine writer doesn’t do when he can’t write about wine

  1. acampbe2@ashland.edu' Slapdash Gourmet says:

    Does he consider moving to a hotel..? ;)

    • Wine Curmudgeon says:

      There is a hotel story, involving fire alarms and dogs, though I try not to burden visitors with too much of my personal life.

  2. seanmcfinance@gmail.com' Sean McElgunn says:

    …maybe an excellent opportunity to review some eiswein? Making lemonade from lemons, and all that … hang in there, you are in Texas – this will pass.

    • Wine Curmudgeon says:

      I kept telling myself it would warm up, but it still hasn’t. We won’t hit 50 until tomorrow, which is almost unheard of for Dallas. So much for being a native and hardy Chicagoan, eh?

  3. bburnsey@yahoo.com' Brian B says:

    The “camping” element loses its allure quickly. Hope it warms up soon. As a transplanted northerner, I can admit that we lose our cold hardiness after moving south.

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